Don't Spit Into The Wind

by Doug
(in his garden)

(this column originally appeared in my newspaper column in June 07. I thought it deserved more attention) :-)


Gardening is a great way to learn about and transfer things you know into greater lessons in life. And it has been a week of learning in my own garden. For example, one of the first things any sailor knows is to never spit upwind. You are either taught this by someone more experienced or you figure it out really quickly on your own. Guys have a special reason to learn the moisture into windward lesson as any guy will gladly tell you. As a sailor, I've always paid good attention to this little life lesson.

As a gardener, I've been a big fan of fish emulsion and I've written about it more than once in these columns as one of the key tools in the
gardening big-blossom growing tips. This is great stuff but it does have a somewhat odiferous quality to it.

So this past week, I got one of the greatest little lessons my garden has taught me in many years. I have a new form of fish emulsion that I'm running some trials on in my garden. It is intended to be a foliar feed. This means that you spray it as a fine mist onto the plant's leaves and the plant absorbs this material through the leaf. It is an economical method of getting minor and micro nutrients into a plant.

But back to the lessons of the week. To spray this fermented salmon (and it smells like fermented salmon I might add) I used a hose-end sprayer. This came with the product and I was very impressed with it. It put on a goodly mist and I happily wandered around the garden dragging the hose and easily spraying away and coating all my plants with salmon.

This wasn't the lesson.

When I got to my big and expensive blue spruce that was starting to candle out, I knew it would appreciate the fish emulsion so I turned the nozzle in that direction raising it at the same time to hit the top of this 6 foot tall plant.


As I was starting to douse the plant, I realized very quickly that I was spraying this fine mist all over the tree but I was doing so into the wind. Too late a realization as it turns out; the mist was nicely blown back at me and I and the blue spruce were well covered in fermented salmon.

But this was not the lesson.

Oh no, this was not the lesson at all. I confess I started giggling. I mean it's one thing to spit into the wind and it's entirely another to spray fermented salmon fertilizer into the wind.

It was probably one of the smelliest lessons I've ever learned but that wasn't the lesson.

I wiped my face off with my sleeve and all the while laughing at myself and understanding I had to strip outside because these clothes weren't ever going to be worn in the house; they were going straight to the washing machine.

And then I learned my lesson.

I licked my lips.

I am here to tell you today that fermented salmon fertilizer tastes exactly as you would imagine it should by its name. No wonder I've been adopted by 5 neighbourhood cats. No wonder I had to have very spicy food for dinner that night so I could taste something.

No wonder there's a case of mouthwash sitting in the bathroom. No wonder that kissing has been put somewhere very far down the agenda until next weekend or next month when it might have worn off.

It was a good lesson that I wish I had been told about rather than do it myself. Consider yourselves told.

Comments for
Don't Spit Into The Wind

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Leeward
by: Moni

Really did 'laugh out loud' - Thanks!

Great reminder for spraying Liquid Fence and related compounds...can't imagine how nasty that would taste! And not anxious to find out :-)

Love this story!
by: Zella

Glad it didn't happen to me - but thanks for sharing it. Hope the fishy smell/taste is all gone.

Hilarious!
by: Mara

So funny, a good morning laugh! Hopefully I will r
remember the lesson and not learn by repeating it!
hiccup
silica

Immediate thought
by: Jane

Your lesson learned was exceptional (and funny) but my immediate thought was the cats. Only five?

Sptting into the wind
by: Carolyn

ROTFL!!!!!!!

I don't have a similarly funny story to contribute, but I have learned the lesson of Don't Plant Little Tiny Carrot Seeds In The Wind.

shunned by cats: comfrey compost tea
by: mary palmer

I did a similar thing with smelly, slimy, comfrey compost tea two weeks ago, and sniff, even the cats shunned me!

salmon
by: Jan

I hope you don't have bears on your island!

Smelly
by: Marguerite

That was hilarious :)))))I could see myself doing the exact same thing.

Fermented Salmon
by: Marie

Doug,you are so funny, you have such a way with words and you often make me smile, this is hilarious! Too bad there's not a video to go with this lesson lol.

You'll have lots of kitty friends this week.
It's so imprtant to be able to laugh at ourselves ;).

Marie

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